the script

It seems like since the beginning of time, women have been programmed to believe in true love. From those childhood fairy tales of princesses who patiently waited for their one true love everlasting kiss to the many romantic comedies that flood the box offices and even the action pack thrillers, we have been meticulously trained to believe that somewhere out there exist a man that too has read the script. Now you might be asking “what script? I’ve never had a script. What is Gab ranting about now?”

Well I’m talking about the script the tells a man when to fight for you, when to chase after you, what words to say and how he should say them all at the most perfect moment. A moment when words uttered so softly, so sincere right at what seems to be your breaking point will have you once again head over heels, and remind you that true love does exist.

But the reality of life is that there is no script that men, are like every other human being on earth taking every situation one day at a time. This epiphany, however, has only come after several discussions with my boyfriend

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it never got completed.

(Draft original written 8/15)

The Break Up

Breaking up is hard to do. That’s all there is to it. It becomes even more difficult when we start asking questions.

As a young lady, I am better equipped to speak from the view point of women. Granted all women are not the same. The reality, however, is that as different as we are as individuals our framework is too similar to be ignored.

When we experience a break up, especially with someone we thought might be the one, we immediately ask too many questions. Why? Why couldn’t he learn to love me? Was I not good enough? I gave him everything, does he really think he’ll find better? How can he move on so soon? Did I even mean anything to him? Was he lying to me the whole time? Did he get what he wanted and just decide to leave? How could I be so dumb? How could I not see this coming? We jump to too many conclusions. Assuming he was a dog, a low-life, a pig and a dumb mother****** from jump. That he strategically planned to build us up just so he could put us down.  We also beat ourselves up. Thinking that we were dumb, we were naïve and, even, unworthy of finding love. But that is not the case and that is not how you heal from a break up.

We as young ladies need to not only forgive ourselves but the boys who hurt us. Understand that life is full of mistakes. However, it is our choice to decide if we will gain lessons or regrets from the experiences in our lives.

Some men are straight up trifling. Some do go out with the intent to hurt, use and abuse women. Some are complete idiots. Some are just too macho for their own good. However, that is just some and not all. All men are not out to hurt, use and abuse women. Let us not forget that before being men they are human. They make mistakes. They, like us, are living one day at a time. They have no more of an advantage at life than women.

All this is to say, that when going through a break up there is something I would like all young ladies to remember.

Life has ups and downs that we cannot control. Yes, it does suck that you’re left crying over someone you thought you loved. Yes, it hurts because you thought he would love you too. Yes, it’s not fair that you are left to suffer while he can easily move on with his life. Yes, you gave him things that can’t be regained. Yes, you used a lot of time and energy trying to make this a functional relationship. Yes, it’s hard to move on. But, it’s not impossible.

You must know that are worthy of love and respect. Yes, this wasn’t one of your best moments in life. However, if you learn from it, it can be an invaluable lesson not only for yourself but for other women if you share the wisdom gained. Understand that the relationship might have been with the right person at the wrong time or simply the wrong person. Know that out there, in the world, there is someone who will love you just as you are and get it right on the first try, that your expectations are not too farfetched.

Sorry if it's a little choppy and doesn't quite make sense.
(In Complete Draft Written 8/3)

Long Time No Talk

I completely abandonned my blog around August. I guess life came back into play and had me distracted. I have to say I missed writing in my blog and sharing my semi-profound thoughts. You know, I just missed pretending to know what I was talking about. Lol. Well this is my rededication to my blog (and for the few who pretend to enjoy). Be on the look out for some more in depth thinking about the seemingly mundane. =)

A Quote from Bob Marley

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

— Bob Marley

Good Hair

I often receive a lot of compliments on my hair and get asked quite frequently how I do it. I just decided I will make a few videos on my personal hair maintenance because I think it may be beneficial to a few young ladies out there. I just saw a video of a lady flat ironing her hair while wet.. I couldn’t understand. My real worry, however, is that those young ladies will attempt to duplicate that nonsense and burn their hair out. I refuse to allow another individual to get on the internet and attempt to educate others on hair maintenance, when they themselves are being a damn fool.

I’m not saying I’m a hair guru, however, I have what I like to call hair-commonsense. For instance, allow me to share my opinion of natural versus perm/relaxed hair. It doesn’t matter! End of story. Do whatever you want as long as you TAKE CARE OF YOUR HAIR! That’s it. That’s the secret. Learn how to properly use styling tools and use them sparingly. If you feel you need a perm, go for it. However, be mindful. Don’t let a stylist who is too lazy to properly take the time to flat iron your hair, tell you you need a perm every two weeks. You have no new growth in two weeks, I don’t care who you are or how fast your hair grows it ain’t enough for no perm! Perms should be applied bi-monthly (every two months) at the most and should only be applied to hair that has not already been chemically treated. Why? Over processing. Everyone is running crying about oh my hair is breaking of what did I do wrong? You over processed that hair. You stripped your hair of natural oils and of its protective barriers. You continued to make it weak and guess what? It couldn’t hold on. This doesn’t just apply for perms it applies to any and ALL CHEMICALS you decide to put in your hair. Either you color, bleach, or perm it. One or the other.

And let’s talk about tracks. Go ahead and track it up, do you. But whatever you do keep it up! Don’t let your tracks stay in longer than they should. The dirt that your tracks acquire can weigh down the tracks therefore weighing on your hair. Again, causing unnecessary damage. Don’t keep them in three and four months, looking all types of crazy. It’s not cute. Furthermore, do not damage the hair that you leave out. When you decided to leave your hair out, take care of it! Stop over heating your natural trying to get it to match those tracks. If you can’t get the tracks to match your hair you have a few options: (A) find tracks that are more compatible with your hair’s natural texture (B) have your whole head sown up as supposed to leaving your hair out and (C) DON’T GET TRACKS! Also, I was speaking about tracks assuming they were sown in, however, if you get them glued (not recommended) make sure it’s done by a professional. Even then you can’t be sure, but make sure its someone who has experience. With glued tracks the biggest tip is to remove all the glue out properly. Use the right shampoos and conditioners that will assure the removal of the glue. That glue will damage your hair. I know.

LADIES NO MATTER HOW YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR TREAT IT LIKE SILK! If it’s nappy, good or everything in between treat your hair good and it will be good to you. If you wear it short, keep it up. If you wear it long, trim those ends. Redefine beauty to fit you but please, please ladies keep your hair up! Stop walking around like who-shot-john. Everything that works for Susie ain’t gonna work for Joanne, and what Joanne does won’t work for LaQuanda, and LaQuanda doesn’t have hair like Luisa! Find out what works for you and work with it!

(Originally posted on Tumblr)

The Recap

So as you look at my blog the first few post have been transferred from Tumblr. In fact these are the post that inspired to make a blog that was not full of pictures but my actual thoughts. I wanted a forum where I could have my thoughts slightly more organized and not lost in a sea of random pictures. I hope that as I continue to share my thoughts, you continue to read them. I hope you find it as interesting as I do. However, if you don't that's cool too. Share your thoughts. I am always down for a healthy debate. Not sure if I'll stick to one topic or if I'll jump around or if I'll even stay consistent with my posts, either way I hope you stick around for the journey ahead. =)

The hypocrite, the judge, the nay sayer also known as the Christian

Jesus is my Lord and Savior there’s no doubting that.  This isn’t about God per se and it’s definitely not about judging others.

The other day I found myself twatching a discussion about one of my followers who is openly a Christian. While twatching, “i just dont understand how some religious ppl are so judgmental…” “Just keep your fingers from pointing.” “So you’re telling me that one sin is greater than the next?” were just a few of the tweets that caught my attention. And to no surprise this is not the first time I have seen/heard this when it comes to him, and more significant this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this said about a Christian which is essentially what this post is about.

When asked my religious beliefs my response is “I’m a believer of God and Jesus Christ.” Well isn’t that a Christian? You might ask. Essentially, yes. However, I do not like saying I am a Christian because immediately I am deemed a hypocrite, a judge and a naysayer. All things that I have been but am not. When it comes to God, I believe that it is a personal relationship that no one can ever understand. I also, believe that the best witness of God’s great works, His mercies and His everlasting love is to lead by example. For instance, (although I’m no saint) I often get people telling me “You’re always so cheerful” or “You have such a great attitude” (those who know me are probably like “yea right!” lol). That right there is a testament to God’s grace and mercy. If ever someone should ask why I always smile, why I’m always in a good mood, my answer will firmly be “because God has been good to me.” Right there, just like that, I have encouraged someone to get to know God for themselves.

An issue with the Christian is that often times we are quick to cast the first stone. “No that is against God’s will and I am against therefore ______________!” Feel free to fill in the blank with “someone/some group is going to hell” or maybe “I don’t have to listen to you” or even “God doesn’t love you.” All I can ever think is “WOW! And you’re trying to win souls over to Christ? How’s that going?”

So to these Christians, let me share with you a little knowledge. God loves everyone! He loves the gay, the transgender, the cripple, the sinner and everyone else in between! Why? How? Because God is synonymous with love. Granted everyone is not going to heaven, but God still loves His children. See the thing about God (and you should know this) is He knows everything, intimate thoughts, personal experiences, what you do in the dark and what you do in the light. Therefore, God knows what traumatic experience has happened in someone’s life to cause them to live the life they live. He knows about the little girl who was maliciously raped by uncles and brothers therefore she never learned to trust a man and found love in another woman’s arms. God knows about that child who was mentally ill and never got the help they needed so grew up to become a sexual predator. God knows the back stories of every individual that we are so quick to judge. It sickens me to see Christians cast the first stone. As if you came out the womb perfectly praising God? Like you never not even once, thought a bad thought, told a lie, took something without asking, looked at someone with those lustful eyes? Really? Exactly my point and I think the point of the individuals in the before mentioned twitter discussion. It’s encouraged to spread the knowledge, wisdom and love of God. However, think is this being done in a loving way? Can this be translated to “I love you?” In my opinion, I believe when sharing God’s word it should be interchangeable with “I love you.”

Now I understand there is such a thing as tough love but that’s only for those who already love you. So when you are talking to someone who doesn’t already love you, who doesn’t understand you make sure you think “does this translate into love?” Otherwise, with those who you know tell them about themselves, do whatever because they already love you. And taking it even further, only show tough love to those who already love God. See the thing there is they love God so much that they’ll be better able to filter the wisdom from the opinion in your words.

That’s my tangent for today. Hope you enjoyed. =)

(Originally posted on Tumblr)